FIVE
With out any reaction from him. Berrall turns away. Leaving me naked and uncertain of all that I believed to be true. I have this socially given thought of morality. The thought that I am merely a human. Nothing more than my ancestors. Even with great thoughts and advances that my intelligence and perception cannot make a fucking lick of sense of or understanding of what has become of my life. I know how to be a good person. I know I have an obligation to do good and be there for everyone that may cross my path. Let alone those that I already know and love. I understand that even in my limited mind, there is a driving force, a power, a light that that now is a part of me and as a spark on a fire that I direly need. has been lit in my core and I cannot comprehend. Dealing with these racing thoughts and emotions. I shut off because I need to survive. I am alone and silence surrounds me short of the sounds of the forest.
Insects and birds, other noises from animals I cannot name. left to my own devices. I try to wrap my head around the past two days. I slowy start feeling my body trying to find the injuries I sustained just hours before. Laughing to myself I just embrace the reality that im a, okay. Straining my brain to make sense, and what I feel is a dream. The chill and dampness breaking my reflections pulling me to the present.
I was a a boy scout as a kid and knew how to make fire easily, but I had no matches, no flint, no lighter. I was exposed and this meat bag I live in I knew I would succumb to the cold and dark, I f I did not act immediately
The human body is resilient yet, frail as tissue paper getting thrown in the water. In seconds the paper turns to mush and separates and in mere seconds there is nothing left, I must get warm I need fire I need clothes I need shelter I need food.
Humbled yet not a sense of strength from where I did not know encompasses me. I close my eyes and breathe in a deep lung full of air. At my wits end I slowly try to find a way to start a fire. Starving and thirsty, this whole damn situation has me struggling to survive. But ill never quit. I scramble bits of the driest leaves and branches I can find. My body shaking hardly able to keep anything in my hand. I stack them up as I was taught and start to try and make a spark from a rock. For a few moments nothing happens.
Suddenly something in my gut warms. It builds and I feel it flow through my limbs and now tspreading through my limbs evey inch of my body feels warmth. Sitting in the mud and fallen leaves and sticks the ground feels warm. I feel a pull an energy coming from the earth. Its revitalizing and I am comfortable. I pulling energy from somewhere and without a idea that im using the earth to heal myself. Using the earth to make me feel whole.
I have meditated and have always believed that there is more than just what I can see. In this moment, im feeling something more than I can conceive. Yet as easy as breathing im taking into myself. Building me up as if i had a great meal and sleep I couldn’t have ever had.
My body relaxes, I forget about fire and lay back feeling the damp earth under me and like a hug from your grandmother I slowly fall asleep fade from the world.
Waking to voices and a feeling of disconnect. Needing to feel something real.
Wanting to wake from a nightmare. Yet Im still on the ground naked and and exposed yet feeling very refreshed and aware. more aware than I have been in years.
I feel like a kid waking to run and play with no thoughts of anything but what can I learn today. No thought of need or want just the pure ecstasy of being here.